Have you ever been torn between so many things that you don’t know what to do anymore? Have you ever been pushed to the breaking point and just don’t know where to go or where you are supposed to be? Well maybe this post can help lead you into a direction that maybe you didn’t think was even possible.
I graduated on December 17, 2016 and long before that date I had been determined to go back to the place where all my friends were at. Back to the place where I was finally getting comfortable and where I felt safe. I had a support system with my friends and people in the community but unfortunately I didn’t have the support I wanted from my family. My parents were dead set on me not going back, but I had my heart determined to go back to that place. The place where my heart was at, the place that I had something that I was blessed with and didn’t want to give it up so soon. Let me go on a little rabbit trail to explain what I was blessed with, and how it changed my walk with Christ!
When I first started my last semester of college in August, I met a young lady during her Freshman Orientation that would change how I viewed faith and trust, especially those two aspects with our Ever-Loving, Ever-Faithful, and Never-Leaving, Father. Little did I know that I was going to change part of her as well. As the school year started and only by God’s Hands’ we (the young lady and I) became friends. We spent close to 5 or 6 hours in our dorm’s prayer room one night just talking. I went up there because I could see that something was bugging her and just wanted to make sure she was okay. I can not tell you why I went up there other than God was leading me to. I am normally quit shy around people, especially new people. I do not like to be outgoing, but this situation was different, I already slightly knew this young lady and so I kind of felt comfortable going and checking on her. And that was the night that started the wheels turning into my life changing. I am so insecure with my life and don’t like take charge in any aspect of it. And this is where the story of God moving really begins.
That night in the prayer room that young lady torn down all the walls that I had worked so hard to build. God was with her leading her to answer all the fear, worries, and insecurities that I had with scripture. The answers she kept giving me, I just didn’t want to except them, I kept trying to push her out of my head. I didn’t want to be friends with her, all I wanted to do was check on her. I had been hurt so many times by friends that I just didn’t want any, I wanted to be alone because that was where I felt safe. No one could hurt me if I was all alone in my life, however being lonely isn’t what I would call fun. In all reality I wanted someone to love me, I needed some one to push me in the direction of God. By this time I had started to revert back to my old ways of not going to church, not reading my Bible and not having my one on one time with God. I had my one friend at the school, my best friend, and that was all I wanted, or so I thought. This young lady started to show me by her actions and her words who I was in Christ. What my identity is in Christ. I knew and believed that I was a Daughter of God and that God was my Father but that was really the extent of my belief in my identity in Christ. By God’s Hand and the young lady I started to believe that I was a treasure to God and to others, that I was something/someone worth fighting for. It took her a little while but she finally broke that last barrier down. Thanks to God and His wonderful Hands’ at play in both of our lives, along with her stubbornness; I finally started believing in myself and that God could use a person like me, to spread His word. Little did I know that God was also using me to show this young lady that she too was and is not alone. It was her first semester at college and the first time that she had been so far away from home, and not having her family near her to comfort her when things went astray. This past semester was one that I would not wish on any freshman, because so many things went wrong, but in the midst of all the things going wrong God’s Hands’ were still at play. I had been praying that God would bring more friends, more people into my life that would love me for me, and she had been praying that God would bring someone in her life to help her along the path that He was laying out for her. Through the mist of all the chaos there were so many good things that happened. People became closer friends than before, people became friends, it made some of us cherish what we had already been blessed with and for others it showed them that they truly need to rely on God’s strength and not their own. The only way we got through the chaos of this past semester was on God’s strength and power holding us up. God being the Faithful God that He is, fulfilled both of our prayers, I just didn’t realize that He had fulfilled my second prayer until it was almost time to graduate.
Now the reason I went on the rabbit trail was because of this. I was torn between going back to the place that I had been so blessed with finding people I could call friends, and doing what my family wanted me to do. I was so dead set on going back that I couldn’t hear what God was telling me or trying to show me. I had my heart and mind set on going back. The other day on the way to my dentist appointment, I got into a fight with God. I broke down in my car, cried and yelled at God cause I couldn’t decide what I needed to be doing with my life. It was at that breaking point that God told me what my role is in life. What I was made to do and what my heart longs for is to serve. Little did I know that serving doesn’t always have to be in ministry, by doing hat God has called you to do is serving. We are serving God everyday that we chose to put our feelings aside and following what God has planned, what He has in store for our lives. After I had my breakdown and fight, I prayed that God with open the doors to show me where I was meant to be, not where I wanted to be. I believe He answered that prayer, just at the time I was being a stupid kid and didn’t want to acknowledge it. The answer wasn’t what I wanted, nor what I had expected. I had applied for a job near home and hadn’t gotten an email for almost a week and a half to two weeks. Then that night, after praying that prayer in the afternoon, I looked at my email and I had gotten an email from the job. The owner/chapter director stated this in the email, “I took a look at your resume and it appears you would be a great fit for our team.” This was the door that was being open, the answer to the prayer asking God to show me where I am supposed to be. At the time I was being a stupid child and didn’t want to even think of staying here. After having a couple days to remissness, think, having council with friends and God, I have come to the realization that I can still serve with this job, just not in the way I was expecting. God gave a desire long ago to work with kids, to be able to share the knowledge and skill I have acquired to give back to children. He is also showing me that there is a purpose in my life to serve Him and to serve in a field that I am skilled in. As hard as it is to let go and say goodbye to the place that I was comfortable in, this is my goodbye. I need to follow God and what He has in store for my life. It took me a little while to even want to acknowledge to fact that I needed to let go and that was not where I needed to be. as a wise friend once told me, “God doesn’t call us to be comfortable, He calls us to come and follow Him.
So here is why this one is called “Believing God has a Plan for For Life” because through everything that may be happening in your life, you need to stop, take a breathe, say a prayer and ask God to show you the first step to the path He has already laid out for you. Then have the faith and trust that He will show you. That moment that you start to give yourself, all yourself; mind, soul and body over to Him is when He will show you. Something that I took from one of my pastors sermons was this, “sometimes God doesn’t give you the answer to a prayer right away because we aren’t ready for the answer.” I wasn’t ready for the answer that I wasn’t meant to go back, because my heart wasn’t ready for it and neither was my mind. When I broke down in the car that was when I gave everything to Him and that was when I could get the answer I was looking for. Granted it took me a little bit to fully acknowledge that the email I got was the door being open, it was the answer to my prayer. I had to look at it from a different perspective. Thank to my bestie, the young lady from before, and just sitting down in silence and seeking council with God; I finally have come to grips that home is where I am meant to be for now. God has your best interest at heart and sometimes you just have to follow Him and drop everything else. A few verses that kept showing themselves to me in varies ways were,
Proverbs 3:5-6, “(5) Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding; (6) in all ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”
Proverbs 16:9, “(9) In their hearts humans pan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”
Jeremiah 29:11 , “(11) ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’.”
Deuteronomy 31:8, “(8) The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do no be afraid; do no be discouraged.”
Thank you for reading, God Bless!
Seeking God in the Wilderness We Call Life 